Well, a Little Better

After my aftercare appointment, I am doing a little better. Still need to work on portion size and timing my bites better but I got on the scale the other day and am down another three and that is encouraging me to work harder. 

“Weight loss surgery is the easy way out!” Bullshit. Clearly. I still have to work hard at this, every day. Sometimes I am successful, sometimes I am not. But my band definitely helps. 

Mothers Day is coming up. all of the ads, blog posts are tearing me apart. This is the first Mothers Day since I lost my mom and I am just trying to get past it. I tried to power through but I have to pull back. I can’t read blog posts about gift ideas and I avoid ads and articles. I just can’t, this year. We’ll see about next. Hopefully, I’ll handle it better. I am just allowing myself to check out of this one. 

I hate that fucking commercial where idiot parents walk into an AT&T store and shush the person working there and make her whisper because their stupid baby is asleep. Assholes, if your baby needs to sleep, take it home, put it in it’s crib and let it sleep. It is not the obligation of the entire fucking world to shush because your kid is napping. And, while I am on the subject of commercials, that website builder commercial where the little girls screams “MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” No. Just no. Who wants to hear that?

Yes, I am a grouch. 

It is so lovely and warm, now. It’s supposed to get into the eighties, today. I need to get out and do a little shopping and I am going to wear some of the new clothes I treated myself to and maybe sandals, too. I did a pedi and painted my toenails with Zoya Arizona. I think I need to hit Beall’s Outlet and find a new wallet. Mine is old, getting grungy and I keep fucking up my nails trying to get cards out of it. I hate it. And some fun new costume jewelry sounds like just the ticket, too. Maybe some new shoes. I am tired of floppers and sneaks.

I have a hair appointment on the eighth. I am seriously considering having a funky colour woven into my tresses. I just can’t decide if I want pink or blue… I love blue so much but my instincts are to go pink. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll do both. 😀

Fuck! Sneezing jag. Thank you so much, husband unit. All of your fucking weed eating has stirred up pollen and dust from hell and… Bleargh! Allergy attack. My poor beak and eyes… 

I need to go blow my nose.I fucking hate pollen.

I need too learn how to insert text links in this WordPress blog and how to install social media buttons. 

I am trying to think of a new name for my beauty blog. I want to rebrand, buy a domain and move to self hosted WordPress. I already know who I am going to use to make the move, set up my new template and so on. I just need to think of a new name and that is proving to be the hardest part. 

I’m crazy for even contemplating this. I am so tech challenged. 

My keyboard sucks. This laptop sucks. 

How Not to Succeed With a Lap Band

Eat fucking sliders. Duh! Chips. Popcorn. Taco Bell Cantina Bowls. Long John Silver’s. (But it’s fish! Protein!) Ice cream. Gah! In the six weeks since I last had an aftercare. Six? Eight? I only lost two and three quarters pounds. That doesn’t include the two I had to re lose after gaining two fucking pounds because I was eating like an asshole. 

Yes, it is possible with a band. Don’t let anyone tell you it isn’t. 

Fuck me. I am so pissed but I am also more aware of what I was doing and how I was doing it. At my aftercare appointment last Monday I had a nice chat with my NP and she helped me get my head back in the game. My Lap Band is working fine, my fluid level is still holding me in my Green Zone but my brain was overriding the signals I wasn’t listening to and since I can’t put a band on my brain… Yeah. Shit got bad, stupid and real. 

I didn’t have more fluid put in my band. My NP said that if I wanted some, she could give me a sprinkle and I was briefly considering about a 1/4 cc push but I am really happy with my band where it is (I have 5 1/2 cc is a 10 cc band.) I have the right balance, satiety, good signalling (when I fucking listen, hitting my soft stop at the right portion size (again, when I listen) so there is no need to more fluid. Tighter doesn’t always mean better. My band will not work if I don’t work it. It is adjusted properly for me, I am the fuck up not my band. 

There is where a lot fo the “failure” rates with bands come from, you know. People who get out of the program, don’t do what they are supposed to do, fail and blame their bands, have them snatched out and go with a different procedure. In many instances (barring actual failure of the band, tubing or port, slipping or erosion) failure is entirely patient caused, not the fault of the band, it’s self. If you flame my ass on this point, do so respectfully, please. I am a big girl and wear those panties with aplomb but I won’t tolerate disrespect or nastiness. 😉

So, I am doing better. I am not perfect… I got into a nasty pattern with my eating and it is taking some time to get my head back into my band and get fully back on track but I am definitely doing MUCH better. My portion sizes are back down where they belong and I am eating slower, chewing better and taking smaller bites, again. Still with a few sliders, here and there but I am wirking hard on curbing them, as well and I am consuming a fuck ton less than I was. 

Progress not perfection. I am trying and I will get there.

I am loving this sunshine but this stupid wind and the lower temps? I can live without. Blech. 

I had more to say but I have other stuff to get done, right now so I will run along and come back and yammer more, later. 

Recovery From Food Fuckery

The two pounds I gained is gone. Good job, dumbass. I didn’t get a Lap Band to gain weight. *rolling my eyes* Protein shakes in the morning and actually watching my food, not indulging so much in the sliders (need to cut those little bastards OUT) works. Duh!

Yeah. As if I didn’t know that.

GM. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Shame on you is all I can say. You are in trouble and this is going to cost you BIG. And if you ask the taxpayers to bail you out when the shit hits the fan, nope. Tough titty, this time around, Fuck off and die. You got your second chance. You are blowing it. We shouldn’t have to pull you out of the quicksand, if you fall in, again. Fix your own shit, idiots.

Coffee is life.

Okay, enough of the chilly and windy. Balmy and breezy? Great. Chilly and windy? What the fuck?

Happy April. I don’t play April Fool’s jokes. I still don’t understand or appreciate them.

I also don’t understand or appreciate a world in which a homeless, single mother is forced to make the terrible choice to leave her two tiny children unsupervised in a hot car to go in for an interview for a desperately needed job because she had no one to look after her kids and is arrested and jailed. I don’t condone leaving tiny humans alone in a car in mid eighties weather to go for a job interview but I also believe strongly that there has to be a better way to intervene than to simply arrest and jail a mother in that awful, no win situation.

A local woman, moved by her plight has started a find raising campaign and has raised a nice amount of money ho help the homeless mom and her kids. This is a beautiful and heartwarming gesture. I hope that between the funds and hopefully the job she will soon find, the mom will get back on her feet and she and her kids will never find themselves in such a sticky situation. My heart goes out to her and to the thousands and thousands of single and often homeless parents who have to make difficult and often less than optimal decisions just to get through the day. They are often pushed to do things that they otherwise wouldn’t, just to survive.

And to the self righteous assholes who left mean and judgmental comments on the fundraising site, stating that she is nothing but a low life law breaker and doesn’t deserve to be rewarded for doing illegal things and putting her kids at risk, fuck you. Until you have to live her life, walk in her shoes, make her hard choices, FUCK YOU! 

I need another cup of coffee and to throat punch some holier then thou assholes.